Encounters: The Chronicles of Lucifer Jones Volume III by Mike Resnick

Author:Mike Resnick [Resnick, Mike]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: Science Fiction/Fantasy
Barnesnoble:
Publisher: Phoenix Pick
Published: 2012-03-02T05:00:00+00:00

7. The Clubfoot of Notre Dame

If you wander down the Champs-Elysses today, or mosey over to Montmartre or the Trocadero or the Latin Quarter, you can still find a few people who remember me, even though I haven’t been there since 1933.

Therefore, I think it’s only fair that I tell you my side of the story.

I hit Paris in late afternoon of a lovely spring day in April, and even before I had time to line up a hotel and hunt up a place to eat, I found myself in a mild disagreement with some of the locals concerning exactly how many aces there were supposed to be in the deck I was dealing from, and just as things were starting to get ugly, the local constabularies rescued me and thoughtfully lined up my room and board for the next week, all at public expense.

Now, while I wouldn’t never want to complain about such generous treatment, I’d be less than my usual forthright and honest self if I didn’t point out that the prison fare in Paris don’t quite measure up to the quality of grub you get at Maxim’s or the Tour d’Argent, and the beds weren’t quite as luxurious as you might expect at the Plaza-Athenee or the Ritz. But given the price, I didn’t have no real serious objections, and I was almost sorry to leave when they gave me my walking papers a week later.

I stopped at a sidewalk cafe, which didn’t cater to no locals but was filled to overflowing with bearded American writers, all of ’em with tortured artistic eyes, and after I’d et some snails and washed them down with a bottle of wine, I realized that I still didn’t have no place to stay.

I couldn’t see no sense wasting any money on one of the more expensive hotels, so I started wandering around, kind of testing the waters to see if I could rent a room and a companion of the female persuasion for the price of a room alone, and pretty soon I found myself in an alley, and I came to this big door, and I could hear all kinds of laughing and clapping on the other side of it, like folks were having a real good time, so I opened it and stepped inside.

It was dark, and there were all kinds of theatrical-type props lying around, and about twenty yards off I could see a light, so I went in its direction, and suddenly I found myself face-to-face with this beautiful blonde lady who had evidently dressed in kind of a hurry, because she wasn’t wearing nothing but a pair of high heels and a bunch of feathers in her hair.

“Howdy, ma’am,” I said. “I heard the sound of merrymaking out in the alley, and I just followed my ears.”

She looked kind of startled, and shot me a quick grin, and whispered, “Who are you?”

“The Right Reverend Doctor Lucifer Jones at your service, ma’am,” I said. “If you ain’t

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